God is awesome and He loves us all. Through my faith in Jesus Christ - the Son of God - Messiah, I have a new life. I want to share with you the gospel, the happy message of eternal salvation through faith in Jesus to others. I also want to inspire others to prayer and this page is about this.

Text: Carl Grinde Date: March 15 2019
Photo: pixabay.com
Updated July 24 2020


Faith and doubt - the struggle of life, the relationship with God is not always easy
This very first section is an update made on May 18 2020. It's about my doubts and struggles.
Although I have a strong faith in God and live my life for the relationship with God/Jesus Christ, I also have doubts that come and go for periods. Sometimes the doubts are a little more dominant, but usually they are not so great as to destroy my faith.
But my doubts come and go and I have not wanted to tell you too much about them because I have been afraid that they will become as a kind of negative confession, that I would then spread the doubt to others. Also, when you have gone in to give everything for the relationship with God, you only feel so stupid if you speak too loudly that you have doubts. But then, it is not quite honest either, but a little made up, snuggled up and corrected. It is totally sick to do so. It gets pretty un true to. I must admit that I have quite a lot of Tomas doubt in me. Sometimes my doubts become so big that hey almost become unbelief .. I am so sorry that I have doubts, doubts on God's existence. I do not want that. I have a hard time actually understanding myself. What do I really think? What is in my mind? Strong doubts and unbelief provokes God's wrath and have had a serious struggle the latest days. God also sees that doubt is not my ambition, what I want. I want faith in God. I want to trust in him. He answers when I honestly turn to him.
Thankfully, my faith is much stronger than my doubts. After all, I experience God's presence, words (in thought, dreams), touch very often now. He is wonderful! It is my human mind that is not always to be trusted.

I had a psychotic breakdown in the summer of 2020 
Even though I have felt good about my repentence/conversion, which began at the turn of the year 2013/2014, in the end I ended up completely wrong in my spiritual life. I ended up in Pharisaic thinking. This summer of 2020, I had a psychotic breakdown. It was horrible. An ambulance came and picked me up and I was admitted to Östersund's hospital for about 3 weeks, first I was in the psychosis emergency department for about 1 week, then in the psychosis ward 4 A at the psychiatric unit. It feels like there have been several things that have contributed to my breakdown. One thing was that God exposed my own very darkest to me and it was unpleasant.

God had also tried to talk to me and say that my ascetic lifestyle had achieved its purpose and that I could, among other things, start eating normally again, relax a little or something. Unfortunately, I did not really understand this but continued my ascetic way of life with a strict diet (low in energy, low in fat) and an hour of prayer in the middle of the night. I have also carried a lot of negative, destructive emotions that flared up in self-destructive behavior with the psychosis. It all started a little sneaky, I started hearing thoughts like comments on my prayer among other things. One thing I have learned through this is that salvation is due to God's Goodness, Love and Grace, not to religious deeds. Because God is good and loving toward us, He expects us to be so toward others, not just toward Christians but toward all. I can not bear to re-write about all pages but from July 2020 I pray about 1 hour a day and I am no longer a vegetarian, I do not pray an hour in the middle of the night either. It feels like God is showing that he wants me to still keep the prayer times so I do, but instead of 1-2 hours at lunch, I pray much less, maybe 15 minutes at lunch, sometimes a whole hour. The other prayer sessions have also become very much shorter, between 1-15 minutes o so. But God has warned me that my cellphone and computer can easily become idols for me and possibly stand in the way of me in the rapture of the church. I pass that warning on to you who read. Consider for yourself, what fills your thoughts?

Growing in prayer under God's care
What is needed to get prayer into a habit? For me prayer is a lifestyle where the faith in God is the life nerve itself in the fellowship with God when I spend time with him, honor his name, and pay attention to him, thank him, rejoice in him, ask him for advice, ask for protection and help.
It feels like God has stepped into my life, appeared to me in everyday life, and when his existence becomes apparent to one, one becomes motivated to pray to him, honor him. He wants our attention, our freindship and praise. He's worth it. He has created everything. He also wants to give us eternal life in fellowship with him. Wow!
God is one, yet three persons: God the Father, Jesus Christ the Son - Messiah, and the Holy Spirit. It is God, the Triune God.
Of course, if one has a family, one's time is limited, but usually we have time for TV, mobile etc. so then there should also be time for prayer. Then one can have a constant prayer within God in the heart, in the thought. Sometimes you just want to be quiet in silence before God and think of him. But God has given us a mouth and ability to speak and probably He wants us to use our mouth to talk to Him, praise Him, pray to Him.

I pray to God about four, five hours a day now, it has developed over the last 5 years. I pray one hour in the morning. Then I pray for two hours at lunch prayer between 11:20-13:20, evening prayer is just over an hour long 20:20-21:40 plus a short good night prayer about 2 minutes just before I sleep. It is very much the same word when I express my gratitude to God and Jesus. I thank Jesus for a little bit of everything, I ask for personal protection, pray for others' blessings/protection/healing etc. It happens from time to time that I fall a sleep a little, especially during lunch prayer. The other day I fell off the chair I was sitting on when I prayed and fell asleep. It felt embarrassing. I was at a friend's house when it happened and afterwards he shouted at me and woke me up at two occasions when he heard that I became silent.
The last few months I have been praying for an hour in the middle of the night so that can explain why I get a little tired .. It feels like God has wanted that extra prayer hour when he has woke me up. But tonight it was not so.

One become motivated to pray when God touches you, touches one's life, and that he has done for me. Moreover, the more one give to God of one's life the more God gives back to one's self. Think about if you are invited to dinner. If you eat snacks and other good treats just before you shall meet then you are not very hungry at the time for dinner. Anyone who has prepared a fine dinner and made an effort will then probably be disappointed because the guest is already satisfied and does not eat much of what have been cooked. I have looked at very many sermons on youtube and those who live in a close relationship with God say that a key is "desperation" or hunger. Watch here at 14:00 and ahead. That is, you really ask and long for God with all of your heart. Then you should not already be spiritually satisfied of other things, of worldly things. And that's what is often our problem today. We are spiritually saturated with anything but God. We have our minds focused on everything that streams towards us in the media buzz, television, internet, social media, apps, games, video clips, newspapers and all other everyday concerns. Moreover, our everyday consumption makes us even more saturable. .. Okay of course you can enjoy life but as said, a key to approaching God seems to be making space, giving space and removing much else. God doesn't want to be an "extra thing". He wants to be our all. I often feel touches from God, dreams, etc. and it feels great. So how to get a prayer routine? Try a specific time. Why not? We keep time for so much else every day. Why couldn't God have his own time? A time that one keeps holy, as he is holy.

My life is not perfect, it can feel heavy and lonely sometimes, but I have a hope and a joy in Jesus, I believe in Him and it is amazing. Absolutely amazing! God exists. He has created everything. He has created us, he loves us.
There are different ways of expressing faith in God. Everyone does not do the same. If the faith in God is genuine, the life of a believer becomes a living testimony to others.

And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son.
Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life.

1 John 5:11
Jesus Of Nazareth film
The gospel of John

My Visit to Heaven! Rashida Fuselier Recommended!

120 Bible Hymns acapella, without instruments

Nils testimony (Swedish)

A transformed life with Anton Wiberg (arken church, Swedish)

They went ahead - Paul - Marie-Louise Nilsson 2017-05-14 (Swedish)

God Spoke To This Man Face To Face

How Did Jesus Pray?- (Doug Batchelor) AmazingFacts

Mount of Transfiguration Kathryn Kuhlman
The closing hours of this age.

The Two Banquets

The White Horse of the Gospel

How to Face the Last Days Without Fear

How Does a Christian Overcome?

Panis Angelicus - Kings College, Cambridge

Seven Steps To Revival, Pt 1: The Goal Is Love

My AMAZING experience with God!

"My Visit to Heaven and What I Saw"

Beautiful Near Death Experience | John's NDE!

https://hittagud.se/faderns-karleksbrev (Swedish)

The Lord Bless You and Keep You, John Rutter

How to know GOD face to face with Bruce Allen

Tomi Arayomi | I went to heaven at 16

Navnet Jesus Blekner Aldri - Oslo Gospel Choir

Hidden: A Life All for God
New Melleray Abbey: One Thing

Seven Steps To Revival, Pt 3 - Self-humbling
An Angel took Me into Heaven! Dr. Michael Yeager
I saw Jesus Christ personal testimony

SCHOOL OF LOVE - RTE - Would You Believe Sisters of St Mary's Abbey Monastery Ireland
Nunnery in Ireland St. Mary's Abbey Glencairn, Lismore, Co. Waterford
Nunnery in USA Mount Saint Mary's Abbey Wrentham, Massachusetts
Heavenly music! Traditional Catholic Latin Mass of the Angels